is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
