he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
