She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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