The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
