it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am naked and annoyed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
