They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
