I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
