I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
