If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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