Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
