it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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