Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
