you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
