I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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