so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You dont lie about slip and slides
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
