We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
