**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
