Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
