i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
