I just saw a hot homeless man
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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