can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
