i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
