Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
