just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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