never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
