I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She even gives head with a lisp.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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