I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
