i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
