this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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