....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
