What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
