a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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