you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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