Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
