I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
