thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
