Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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