I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
