If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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