I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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