Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
