i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
