I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
