So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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