They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
