Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
