I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He did a backflip because drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
