One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So much Jack, so little girl.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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