how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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