Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His hands were made for my vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
