Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
