bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
