3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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